The Funky Chicken - A restaurant review.

I had never been to the Funky Chicken before, but its notoriety was well known on the island.  I was staying in Utila, Honduras, a small island off the eastern coast of the mainland dedicated to diving and a haven for adventurers from around the globe.  I walked down the poorly-maintained concrete road toward the illuminated interior of the restaurant.  Before I walked in, I was greeted by a small kitten and a crowd of flip-flops surrounding the entryway.  Taking a cue, I removed my shoes and walked bare footed into the Funky Chicken.

The place was tiny.  It had four tables that sat on a covered outdoor patio and a small kitchen, the size of a normal American closet.  My date, Harmony, and myself sat down at a table with a few friends, a writer from England and a diver from Canada.  There were no chairs, just worn pillows lying on the wooden patio floors.  Sitting cross-legged on the pillow, I greeted my friends and waited to order.

A rail-thin man with dark, sun-drenched skin and a long, faded beard introduced himself.  Saul was his name and he was the owner, chef, waiter and dish washer of the Funky Chicken.  We ordered a few drinks and settled in on our pillows.

The restaurant was adorned with knick knacks from the island, including turtle shells, worn prayer beads and stained photographs that lined the patio walls.  It was illuminated overhead by strings of red lights that brought out a cozy warmth.

Saul came back to take our orders.  He listed a few different options, but I just ordered everything.  I was hungry and a five-course meal sounded perfect.

Up until this point, I was sure that this would be a normal dining experience.

Saul soon brought out a plate of dim sum filled with spicy chorizo, nicely steamed and plated on a banana leaf that he cut off a tree above us a few minutes earlier.  It was paired with a spicy Thai chili sauce for dipping.  I grabbed a few chopsticks out of the bamboo container in the center of the table and finished them off quickly.

Saul quietly perched himself on one of the empty tables, set down his beer and promptly lit a joint. He sat there until the joint was half-finished and then returned to the kitchen.

Twenty minutes later, Saul brought out the second course.  It was a bowl of sweet-flavored pork on a bed of white rice with a fried egg on top.  Harmony and I quickly devoured it, adding some of the hot chili sauce for flavor.

A half hour passed.  Another group of people came in and sat behind us.  They were loud tourists who wanted to be heard.  While we were waiting, a small island taxi rolled up outside the restaurant, beeped his horn and waited while one of the customers came out.  After a few minutes, the customer came back, his hands hiding a baggie of cocaine.  Tourists man.

Saul came back over and while leaning slightly into his intoxication asked us, “was there something I was supposed to be doing for you?”

I replied, “yes sir, we are waiting on the third course, the Asian barbecue I believe.”

“Got it,” Saul dribbled as he scurried back into the kitchen.

A few minutes later, the kitten that was waiting at the entrance started carousing through the restaurant.  It stopped at each table, pointed its sad kitten eyes at each person and begged for food.  The kitten got a little too close to the kitchen and Saul stormed out, picked it up and tossed it over the patio fence into a clump of banana trees.

Another half hour passed and Saul finally brought out the Asian barbecue.  It was slow roasted pork and baked chicken in a sweet Thai sauce.  We both ate everything, it was delicious.

A little while later, the kitten showed back up, this time through the banana trees and the patio fence.  When it came up to me, I tossed a chicken bone outside of the fence and it chased after it.  I’m a sucker for cute animals.

A friend of Saul’s showed up and sat down with him at his table.  Saul started smoking his joint again as he and his friend chatted about sports and travel.  We sat for a long time and Saul never moved.  Eventually, I turned to Harmony and we agreed on the obvious.

“Our dinner is over here.” We both said, in unison.

I got up and walked over to Saul and his friend, interrupting their conversation.

“Saul, can we get the check please?”

“Yes absolutely,” he said, “what did you order?”

I went over the three of five courses that we received and he tallied everything up: $20 American, a fortune for a restaurant on the island.

I paid Saul and Harmony and I soon left.  I got fist bumps and high fives by both Saul and his friend as we walked out.

While I was putting on my shoes, the small kitten came out of the bushes and meowed quietly.  I gave him a pet and started the walk home through the dark streets of Utila. I was still hungry, but as far as experiences go, I was completely satisfied.