There is a feeling that comes before any great undertaking. I have felt it many times before and it comes to me again today, this time before a trip to South America. It is a calm presence that sits upon my shoulders, casually reminding me in everything I do that it will soon absorb into my existence.
Almost like a puppet master, this feeling of upcoming intensity directs every move I make. Everything I do slows down into a precise execution. I notice every detail. My vision focused. My movements calculated. My nose to the wind. My lips pursed. My ears perked.
I notice the ripple in my wine glass as I cut my lasagna. I smell the perfume of the woman across the room, trying to impress her date. I taste the Texas air, dry and cool with a hint of pecan tree. I hear a half-dozen conversations, each uniquely diverse. I would equate it to a solider on the cusp of a war, a hunter on the breast of a hunt or, in my case, an adventurer the night before a long journey.
Being from north Texas, I’ve seen my share of tornadoes. I can remember as a child watching the horizon of the sky turn a neon green, while the sky above was a palpable darkness as if it was beckoning the upcoming chaos to devastate the land that stretched before me.
I remember watching this storm roll in, the wind ripping through the trees and the rain screaming sideways, stinging anything it touched. Like a fool, I grabbed my jacket and walked outside into the chaos. I could barely stand up, the wind was so strong. The sky was dark and loomed only a few feet above my head, oppressively crushing my shoulders. Everywhere I could see was utter destruction. Tree limbs flew through the air, hail demolished cars and lights flickered as power boxes shot out sparks before they went down for the night.
But something funny happened to me during all that chaos. A wave of calm washed over me like something I had never felt before. Time stopped. Every detail became completely lucid. While the whole world was being destroyed, I just watched in amazement. A smile slowly grew on my face as I sat in awe of the power of nature. It is so humbling knowing how insignificant you are compared to other forces that exist in this world.
But in those moments of absolute humility, there is pure freedom. Everything that mattered a few hours earlier melts away and you come face-to-face with what is really important. You wonder how you made it this far when powers like this exist.
I love the chaos. It's the only time when everyone is exactly the same; a scared child who doesn't know what to do and nothing is in their control. It violently rips away any pretentiousness and what is left is just you. Pure you; with all of your strengths and all of your weaknesses against something that you cannot bribe, you cannot reason with, you cannot control and you cannot fight. It is in those moments is when I am most at peace.
Tomorrow brings the next drop into the unknown. Where it will go, what it will illuminate, who I will meet and how I will survive, my choices will determine along the way. But in any of my adventures, I will not shy away from the highest mountain, the deepest river nor the biggest challenge. That’s not how I was raised.
I hope you all enjoy the ride.
Ry