May 16, 2017
Day 35
Crested Butte, CO
Miles driven: 3958
Currently Reading:
Currently listening to: Edge of Seventeen by Stevie Nicks
About a Girl.
This one is a tough one to write.
I’ve been in love with 2 women in my life. One was already married when I met her, so that wasn’t ever going to go anywhere. The other is the reason I am here in Crested Butte. A little over a year ago, she and I had a grand plan for the rest of our lives. The plan was to be happy, to travel and to live life the way we wanted.
"The rule is, there are no rules." we would say to each other often.
She and I were planning on saving up our money and travelling around the world right about now. This trip that I am on is directly because of the months of conversations we had up until about a year ago. Long story short, we moved in together and it just didn’t work out. Life is hard sometimes and the ones you love are the ones you hurt the most. She left soon thereafter and eventually made her way up to Crested Butte, CO, never even saying goodbye. I haven’t spoken to her in over a year.
The reason I eventually decided to stop here was on the minuscule chance that I could see her one last time, maybe see a spark of happiness in her eyes and remember all the tiny nuances that made me fall in love with her. But some wounds dig too deep and cannot ever be healed.
As I prepare to leave this town, even with a heavy weight of irresolution still dangling around my neck, I can’t help but smile. To me, there is a freeing feeling in understanding how little one person can control. A person is only guaranteed themselves in life. Others come and go, sometimes walking along the same path for a little while, sometimes just passing by. We as people need to focus on the journey itself and all the adventures along the way, not the destination. You never know how long someone will be in your life, so appreciate each moment you have with them. When someone diverges onto their own path and their companionship slowly fades away, it’s the memories of time together that sticks, not what could have been.
And whoa baby, she and I sure had some adventures.
About 20 minutes after I finished writing the above passage, I went in to get the check from the waitress. Sitting over in the far booth with a couple of business clients, there she was. My heart stopped. I was frozen looking at her. She was so beautiful; different, but she still had that glow about her that no other woman I have ever met could match. She didn’t recognize me as I look like a wild mountain man. Trying not to be weird, I paid my tab and went to gather my things. Soon thereafter, her party left. As they were walking out, I looked over at her.
“Hey.” I said. The only thing that came to my mind.
She stared me down.
“Working.” She said.
And then disappeared off into the darkness of the night.
Some wounds dig too deep and cannot ever be healed.